


You Never Loved Me; You Just Loved How Much I Loved You

by Su1010



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: "did you ever love me?", Angst, Cheating, Heartbreak, M/M, Pain, Realisations, Sacrifice, hanahaki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:08:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27393985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Su1010/pseuds/Su1010
Summary: Tendou Satori has always been a fool in love for Ushijima Wakatoshi. But how long can a broken heart continue beating?
Relationships: Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 73
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	You Never Loved Me; You Just Loved How Much I Loved You

**Author's Note:**

> TW // (Cheating), (Blood)
> 
> Hi and welcome back to D5! Hanahaki has always been one of my favorite things to write about and this is my first time writing Ushiten so it was a fun experience. Kinda banged this out and slept at 530 in the morning lmaooo. But angst is ALWAYS worth it. Keep an eye out for my Daisuga Hanahaki fic later hehe. 
> 
> Enjoy!

The silence was too loud for Tendou's liking as he stood on the balcony of their flat and recalled the argument he and Ushijima had engaged in earlier. 

It had all stemmed from that one picture he had accidentally seen on Ushijima's phone which he had left behind on the kitchen counter while he went to shower. Tendou had leaned over to see if it was a call or a message when the phone vibrated, and he spotted a picture Oikawa had sent.

Ushijima was smiling, hand around Oikawa as they both bared their teeth at the camera.

The first thing Tendou realised was that Ushijima never smiled like that around him. Rather; Tendou often always found Ushijima only wearing those grins around Oikawa Tooru whom he was slowly starting to despise. The second was that Tendou had no recollection of Ushijima telling him he was going out to meet Oikawa. Tendou knew Ushijima had no obligation to; but it hurt all the same that his boyfriend hadn't even mentioned it in passing that he was going to meet the man he revered.

Jealousy bloomed in the form of daffodils within his heart; the thorns sticking out through the crevices of his ribcage as pain pierced his throat and coated it with bile.

Rushing to the spare bathroom, Tendou found himself throwing up petals the same shade as the first ray of sunlight that streamed through their bedroom window every morning and illuminated Ushijima in all his beauty.

Tendou was no stranger to pain, he knew he was risking everything when he fell in love with his captain who was desperately in love with someone else. But he didn't know just how much love could hurt. 

Chuckling, he flushed the toilet and headed out, whistling a jaunty tune as he bowed his head to hide the tears that were brimming in the corner of his eyes.

_Bold of me to assume Ushijima could ever love me back. Why am I such a fool?_

Ushijima had walked out just then and Tendou had immediately confronted him. After several insults hurled back and forth at each other; Tendou had gathered up enough courage to ask the question that had been lingering in the back of his mind for the last 3 years.

"Did you really love me?"

Ushijima had stopped in his tracks as he fixated his gaze onto Tendou who was trying not to let the erratic beating of his heart distract him from his boyfriend's answer.

_But he already knew the answer a long time ago._

"No," Ushijima shook his head, responding honestly. "You wanted to take it upon yourself to love me while I loved Oikawa so I let you."

 _Oh,_ Tendou thought to himself. _So this is what heartbreak feels like._

Tendou nodded, heaving a sigh and trying hard not to let the tears stream down his cheek. He had already lost far too much to Ushijima; he wasn't about to give up his dignity too.

"Go," Tendou had said in a tone so low it was barely above a whisper. "Go to Oikawa if he makes you happy because I don't think I can do this anymore."

"I didn't ask you to do it-"

 **"I WANTED TO!"** Tendou lost his resolve and screamed, his voice echoing around the small space.

"God, Ushijima! I chose to love you because I wanted to. Because all those years playing alongside you had become my purpose in life and I wanted to continue being beside you; for better _or_ for worse."

Tears started streaming down his cheeks like the rain that had started to pour outside and Tendou wiped them away furiously, looking at those familiar olive eyes he adored - empty; devoid of emotion. It was at that moment that he realised he had been playing the role of a lovesick fool all along. The line separating delusion and blind faith had blurred into an amalgamation of shades of grey and Tendou had crossed it a long, long time ago.

Ushijima had left soon after, grabbing his jacket and slamming the door shut so hard, the picture of him and Tendou at Shiratorizawa that was hanging behind the door fell to the ground and shattered.

Somehow, it was still less loud than the sound of Tendou's heart breaking in two.

That was what had led Tendou to stare out at the night sky as he lifted the cigarette to his lips once more and took a long drag on it, letting the smoke fill his lungs and curl around his tongue before exhaling and watching it trail away in faint wisps. Cigarettes were the only thing that provided him with solace on these lonely nights. The warm feeling of the rough paper rubbing against his bruised knuckles, the bitter taste of nicotine tainting his lips and the way the smoke lingered for a brief moment before disappearing like all the memories he and Ushijima had shared.

The coughing fit started as a slight itch which Tendou presumed to be from the nicotine. But the metallic taste of blood lodged in the back of his throat assured him it was not and he rushed to the sink, a few more petals escaping his lips, the edges stained crimson. He washed them away like the pain that was blooming in his heart - a constant reminder that he was never loved by the one he was willing to sacrifice everything for.

Dropping to his knees and leaning against the kitchen counter, Tendou begged for mercy from whatever being was up there listening to him. God. Cupid. He didn't care. All he wanted at that moment was to die so that he didn't have to suffer anymore. 

The front door slammed open just then and broke Tendou out of his reverie, a groan escaping him against his will.

Ushijima came rushing in, coughing in a way akin to Tendou and running to the sink. He covered his mouth with the palm of his hand as Tendou stood up to pat his back. But he never got the chance when the latter opened his palm and down poured a shower of amber petals that Tendou found all too familiar and recognised them as the ones growing in his chest.

He coughed then too and the same petals fell to the floor, mixing with those that had dropped from Ushijima's hand and Tendou looked up to see his boyfriend's grief-stricken face at the realisation that Oikawa Tooru had never loved him at all.

Tendou could have laughed at it all, the sheer irony of it. He wanted Ushijima to suffer just as he did - living a lie. But Tendou Satori was not a cruel man; no matter how cruel the world had been to him.

Lips met lips as Tendou approached Ushijima and kissed him, slowly then passionately. The taste of blood weighed heavy between the gaps of his teeth and stained his tongue; but Tendou found himself only focused on the way Ushijima was tugging on his hair.

Yellow daffodil petals lay littered around the apartment like constellations etched across the night sky as the two men learned to love each other once more. 

_Even if you love another more than me; I will love you enough for the both of us._

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thank you for reading! <3
> 
> Come follow me on Twitter! @chakraverty1010


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